Have you ever witnessed a 2-year-old child have a meltdown for what seems like no reason at all? Parents of toddlers know that, oftentimes, the child doesn’t really know what it is that they want. However, the child can’t yet verbally articulate desires or questions clearly enough to avoid the emotional meltdown from the sheer frustration of not being understood.
The best way to help a toddler through the cognitive process of asking for help is to get them talking out loud. The process of talking helps children identify the pieces of the puzzle in their minds and helps them start to put those pieces together. Soon, we realize that the child wants her favorite toy, or as any parent with a daughter under the age of 5 years old knows, to put the movie Frozen into the player yet again.
Nothing much changes as we develop into adulthood. We sometimes need to process out loud to figure things out. Our minds can work in loops. We go over and over the things that weigh on us; sometimes, the only way to break the loop is to speak out loud with someone else who can help us process those thoughts. A sounding board, if you will. Asking out loud helps you figure out what you want. Because there is someone else in the conversation to ask clarifying questions that require you to sort through the issue, you are easily able to get very clear on what you need and probably answer questions, at least touch on some as yet unspoken questions.
Having someone to process with you isn’t the only way verbally to sort through and identify what you really want. You can have a conversation with yourself when no one else is available. Speaking and processing out loud is no different than practicing a speech or public speaking. The more you hear your own voice, the better you can identify with what is being said. Things always sound clearer when spoken aloud than when heard in our minds.
Authors often do this: Try recording yourself and replaying the 1-way monologue/conversation. These voice notes are a great way to process out loud and be able to go back and review the ideas and details. This is a perfect way of capturing information when the issue is top of mind, whether you are driving, exercising or otherwise unable to write anything down. Most smartphones have a voice note app factory-installed so it is always available to you if you train yourself to use it on a regular basis.
As noted, sometimes, the best way to sort through a problem and ask for help is to process the issue out loud in conversation. Whether you have the help of a friend, your smartphone or are speaking to no one in particular, the act of speaking out loud helps you figure out what you really want. From there, you can make preparations to get the help you need.
The fear of having a conversation can stop you in your tracks.
As we were writing our book ‘Revolutionary Conversations: The Tools You Need for the Success You Want‘ we realized again and again that the simple approach never failed to amaze us. By being clear in your needs/wants/desires you and those around you can easily embrace change, move through challenge and build a bridge with others to create more opportunities with less confusion.
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