Let’s Talk! 5 Ways to Have Better Remote Conversations
Once upon a time… it was easy to have a conversation with a co-worker, direct report or manager. Now we have to work at it – scheduling, planning to be spontaneous, seeing each other in the video-teleconferencing world of muted visual signals. Difficult enough as this is, the importance of these conversations has skyrocketed. They can be our one touchpoint, sometimes our only connection, with each other.
In organizations, managers are responsible for most of these conversations. Gallup has put a fine point on this in their publication, It’s the Manager, reporting that “70% of the variance in team engagement is determined solely by the manager.” Unfortunately, we haven’t spent much time helping our managers hone their communication skills and we need to go to the next level now. Developing our conversation skills takes time and energy – well worth the effort – but, to get us started, here are some key ideas that can really help.
5 keys to good conversations
- Avoid being judgmental – If you are busy deciding who’s right and who’s wrong, you’ll never be able to hear what’s being said. Keep an open mind. You can’t find all the pieces to the conversation if you throw some of them out without taking them into account.
- Listen more and talk less – Monologues do not create a dialogue. Listening is impaired by planning your response while your conversation partner is talking. Give full attention to what you’re hearing. As Stephen Covey said, “First seek to understand, then to be understood.”
- Keep your opinion about a solution to yourself – The conversation isn’t about you. Your role is to hear what your conversation partner is saying and add to it. Opinions can close conversational doors. Use “yes, and” or “what if” contributions to keep expanding the dialogue.
- Ask good questions – Open-ended questions show you are interested in the person speaking and encourage a robust dialogue as new information and ideas keep expanding.
- Be vulnerable – Let your people know you have some challenges. A manager or leader may open the conversation with, “I’m feeling a little stressed about…. Do you ever feel that way?” Then, it makes it okay for others to share their concerns. “It makes me nuts when we’re all trying to work in the same space at home. How do you manage that?” This can encourage discussion/collaboration. “Having so many online meetings is exhausting. How are you coping with it?” By showing your human side, you make it safe for others to do the same. It’s a foundation for trust and strong relationships.
We’ve been focusing on the manager/staff relationship here, but conversations run both ways. For those of us who are not official leaders in the organization, the tips can also be valuable. Consider how these ideas could improve your conversations with your managers and peers. The good news is that these ideas translate to every conversation – with family, friends, neighbors.
Now that our work and social structures are changing, we all need new ways to stay connected, to understand each other, to build and maintain strong relationships in our organizations. It all starts with a conversation.
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